LONDON – England – The Bank of England is planning a negative base rate of minus 8% so if you put your money in the bank and don't touch it, it will disappear soon enough. Here are some tips for the much bedraggled and beaten down saver to avoid this banking calamity.
1) Spend all your money now, even if you do have a nest egg somewhere. Just spend it all and have some bloody fun. It would be gone anyway if you put it in the bank.
2) Move country. There are plenty of countries around the world that do not have a bankrupt moribund economy. You can up sticks and move your loot there instead.
3) Move your money and savings offshore to one of the many protected tax havens still active around the world but you will still unfortunately have to live in Blighty.
4) Put your money into equity. The problem there is the value of your equity can go down as well as up. If the property price, for example, crashes again you’re up shit street.
5) Withdraw all your money and keep it under the bed. You don’t need us to tell you how risky this is.
6) Buy gold. If you have enough cash buy some physical gold, because when the next major economic crash comes, paper money will be useless anyway, so you will be secure.
7) Give all your money to charity. You would have lost in anyway. Most charities give a very small percentage of takings to the cause they are supposedly helping, so you would only be giving your money away to the highly paid employee salaries of these companies.
8) Sail around the world with what’s left of your savings. Embrace a once in a lifetime trip. The memories alone would be worth their weight in gold, just avoid the coast of Somalia and you should be OK.
9) Withdraw all your cash and put it into a business. You could be successful or you could lose it all. If you make more money though, you will still have a problem because you will not be able to put it into a bank.
10) If all else fails, leave your hard earned money in the bank and watch it slowly disappear with the negative interest rates.