DAVOS – Switzerland – Chancellor of the Exchequer, George Osborne is to start the Treasury's own chain of restaurants across the UK his office has announced.
The theme of the new restaurants will be one of a dungeon where patrons enter and order their food whilst being whipped incessantly by tax collectors. You will then be given a menu with only two things on it, a triple dip mush plate, or a quadruple dip plate. You will be asked to accept huge price rises on the items you order and if you don’t accept that, you will be whipped until your back bleeds even further,” a gleeful looking Chancellor announced today at a champagne filled private dinner.
The menu in the new taxpayer funded restaurant will also include a drink called a Great Depression. No one knows the ingredients but some think it is made from bootleg vodka distilled by Eastern European gangsters from Grimsby, Northern England.
“There is one f*cking bonus for you all. With your Triple Dip mush plate you can drink our Great Depression vodka which contains high levels of industrial alcohol, not meant for human consumption and if you’re lucky you may lose all powers of speech and sight. Then once that happens, we slap another tax on you and kick you out the door without so much as a piffling thank you. And don’t forget to leave a tip you filthy taxpaying swine piece of sh*t bastard,” One of Osborne’s deputies said yesterday.