Starbucks and Amazon to Pay UK Taxes into Offshore Havens

GEORGE TOWN – Cayman Islands – After making billions of pounds profit in Britain and paying just 0.1% U.K. tax, U.S. companies have agreed to pay U.K. tax at the regular business rate.

Speaking from Amazon’s head office in Seattle, Washington state, senior accounting executive, Janet Herodelum, said: “Amazon makes billions of pounds in the U.K. and we have taken away business from actual U.K. companies based in their own country. We have siphoned off millions of pounds through many subsidiaries in tax haven countries, and bypassed British taxation. After the public outrage in the U.K. where a few people got slightly angry about this sneaky practice, we have agreed to pay full U.K. taxation — into one of our offshore accounts.”

The gesture from Amazon means that out of £985 million profit in the U.K. this year it will now pay tax amounting to £50 million to another secret account which they have labelled as U.K. taxation.

“I think what Amazon and the rest are doing is admirable. The U.K. hopes to see some of the money soon.” Giles Ernest-Postlewittle, a Conservative MP for Huntington told parliament yesterday.

The U.S. companies have promised to pay U.K. tax by the year 2090, and say they will keep the money safe in secret accounts until that date, or any date they wish to stipulate, or change at anytime they wish without notice.