"Abandon Ship, Abandon Ship!"

This time there won't be any lifeboats

LONDON – England – The good ship UK plc is going under, as thousands of people abandon these hallowed shores before the whole lot goes down.

Like rats from a sinking ship, top bankers and businesses are abandoning the UK as it slowly sinks into the debt-ridden mire caused partly by the useless Coalition government’s economic mistakes that will ensure we all go back to the stone age soon.

“Old Georgey Osborne, he just got back from Klosters and increased tax to such a rate that the destitute people are well and truly fucked. There’s no way out now but down the sink hole,” a businessman who dumped his business of 35 years to leave the UK said yesterday.

How about stimulating growth by decreasing tax, therefore increasing enterprise in the UK? Fat chance!

“Fuel duty and tax is now 85% of the price. Income tax is now so high that one has to work for six months of the year before you start making any money for yourself. The NHS is crumbling. VAT has risen to 20% on everything. Council Tax is increasing daily, and pensions will now be worthless as the FTSE 100 is set to sink into the mire like the GBP is doing right now. Food costs are now criminal, and if you’ve even got a job left, your salary won’t buy much anyway,” another businessman said before boarding another aeroplane out of Britain yesterday.

The mass exodus of enterprise, business, banking sector workers and non-doms will take its toll as even more inhibitive taxes are unveiled by the meddling Coalition government, who have shown themselves to be rank amateurs when it comes to economics.

Speaking at a Commons question time session yesterday, Chancellor George Osborne said: “I intend to stimulate growth in the UK economy by increasing taxation to such a level that the UK grinds to a complete halt and all the businesses leave our shattered economy and country permanently.”

Gordon Brown was shit but this is even worse. Wait till they start increasing the interest rates to try and curb inflation.