17.7 C
London
Saturday, April 20, 2024
secret satire society
HomeBusinessAnother Pump and Dump Day at the Markets

Another Pump and Dump Day at the Markets

NEW YORK - USA - It was business as usual at the NYSE as stocks fell by over 300 points on the Dow Jones index on Friday after rising by 300 points the previous day.

“We pump the stocks up with good news, then we get one of our boys to release some juicy info that’s kind of scary, then we dump the shares and commodities. Repeat this a few times a week and you can make some serious profits, especially if you go short and long both ways,” Alan Deano, a Wall Street pit trader told MSNBC.

Pump and dumpers used to use phone calls in the old days but now the internet does all the work for them.

“With the internet you can get news around the world in less than a second. Before, we had to use phone calls to the right people for the news and then by the time it’s printed in the newspapers it’s too f*cking late or the effect is minimal. Now I can clean up by lunchtime. I’ll buy up half of Africa when the stock is dumped, then we start pumping again and again. It’s hard work you know,” Mr Deano added before speeding off in his new Lamborghini.

  Daily Squib Book

  DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"
- Advertisment -

NEWS ON THE HOUR

curtis-press
curtis-press
curtis-press
curtis-press

MORE NEWS

THE DAILY SQUIB ANTHOLOGY

The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!

Translate »