Bankers Furious After Bonuses Accidentally Directed to Haiti

"If I have to fly over there myself and pry my money out of their dying hands god help me I will"

PORT-AU-PRINCE – Haiti – Twelve Goldman Sachs bankers, who were to receive £800,000 bonuses each, were said to be furious today that their money had somehow been accidentally sent to a Haitian bank and used as earthquake relief aid.

Amongst the wailing bodies of the distraught Haitians who have had their lives completely destroyed, there was an even worse wailing sound emanating from the offices of Goldman Sachs after an operator error caused a monetary malfunction thus sending some of the much awaited bonuses to Haiti.

“I’ve never heard anyone crying like that, poor old beggar, he needs his Aston Martin and Lamborghini serviced next month. Where the f*ck is he going to get the money for it?” Joel Hemmingwart, a senior analyst who did receive his bonus this year told the FT.

This is a terrible time for the bankers involved and some are so distraught that they didn’t even attend a bonus party at a sleazy London strip joint last night.

“Usually this time of year we hire a jet and fly off to Corfu for a day trip of golf, sea and s
*x with high class escorts. I’ve just been told that £800,000 of my bonus was wired to some tin pot shack in Haiti. Those people don’t know the first thing about caviar, shagging pr*stitutes and champagne! If I have to fly over there myself and pry my money out of their dying hands god help me I will,” another disgusted banker was quoted as saying by the FT.

An appeal has been launched so that the bankers can be repatriated with their bonuses as soon as possible.

  • PJ

    Hey- we’re still picking banker bones and rotting flesh off the buildings in NYC from 9/11. With any luck there will be a HUGE earthquake in NYC and Scumbag Lloyd Blankfein will be crushed under tons of stone and concrete. When he is, I will make a special trip to NYC with lots of fresh water to drink so I can piss on his corpse.

  • Keith

    I would gladly take his Aston Martin off his hands to relieve him of his money worries