Oil Futures to Surge as Obama's General Petraeus Plans Iran Invasion

The strait at its narrowest is 54 kilometres (29 nmi) wide. It is the only sea passage to the open ocean for large areas of the petroleum-exporting Persian Gulf. According to the U.S. Energy Information Administration, an average of about 15 tankers carry

WASHINGTON DC – USA – Long term oil futures have been rising steadily because of the Obama administration's plans to invade Iran.

Iran has defied the West’s orders for assimilation for long enough and will soon have to pay the ultimate price much like how Saddam Hussein’s Iraq paid.

U.S General David Petraeus, the head of Centcom, says the American military has had plans for an Iran attack for some time and are already sizing up the oil fields there.

“We did the exact same thing with Iraq that we are now doing with Iran. We already have a permanent foothold in Iraq and we will use that as a stepping stone to launch the attack into Iran. They will assimilate with the West eventually because we cannot have a true global society controlled by America and Israel without the complete destruction of rogue maverick states like Iran. Much like Iraq, Iran will be bombed to hell, then we will eventually send in the troops when everyone is dead,” General Petraeus said.

The Americans have already factored in the consequences of their Imperial stupidity by acknowledging the fact that when the Persians are attacked they will simply close off the Straits of Hormuz, where 40% of the world’s oil passes, and the world oil price would probably rise above $800 per barrel or even more. Strategically speaking, invading Iran is a suicide operation that could only be attempted by an insane religious zealot alcoholic moron with severe mental retardation and a fervent penchant for psychotic pleasure derived from hurting millions of people from his armchair — now that George W Bush is out of the way, it is up to Obama, the stooge, to prove himself to his handlers.

Preparations have been underway for the Iran attack for quite some time. The US military and naval build up within the Persian gulf has been going on for the past year as well as a massive troop buildup in American owned Iraq. The plan will most probably be a joint attack with Israel utilising high altitude bombing runs on strategic Iranian nuclear sites similar to the recent bombing by Israel of a Syrian suspected nuclear site in Syria’s eastern desert near the Euphrates River.

Further preparations of the imminent Iranian attack are also the reason why Obama has been filling the 703 million-barrel Strategic Petroleum Reserve (SPR) in Bryan Mound, Texas and Louisiana with 66,000 barrels of oil per day.

Oil $800 per barrel

Investors are betting that oil prices will continue rocketing for years to come and the imminent Obama attack on Iran will ensure a good windfall for investors and a good fallout (the radioactive kind) for everyone else in the Middle East.

Long-term oil future prices have jumped at an unprecedented rate in a sign that investors are buying up stocks of oil en masse to preempt the invasion of Iran.

This follows a handful of rumours from major analysts that oil prices could soar towards $800 (£500) when Obama attacks Iran.

Traders worldwide and investors are already factoring the cost of another American war in the Middle East with Iran as the next victim of US posturing and attempts at hegemony.

“With the increase in oil prices we see an increase in cost to deliver vital goods and food to the consumer. This results in massive inflation and unaffordable costs for basic goods. We advise people to start growing vegetables in their gardens and stockpiling canned food and water because when Obama presses the button, you can say goodbye to the supermarket. The government will not help you and we will all have marshal law where you will be shot on sight by troops for trying to get food or water for your family,’ Yitzak Hymie wrote in the Jerusalem Post on Tuesday.

At a recent press conference, a journalist for the Washington Times asked Obama if it was feasible for America to attack Iran; the answer was given in true Obama flashy style: “Yes, we can!” he said with a toothy grin.

  • This guy knows


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  • $$$$$$$$$

    I’ve got my trigger on the oil and gold futures when this one gets going.

  • Jeb

    Wahoo! Can’t wait to watch this one on CNN, bring your popcorn and beers folks its going to be fun !

  • Hamshi

    Fuck yeah! Looks like the Squib saw this shit way before any of the others did. This is one reason I read you guys.

  • No Diff

    Obama = Bush

  • John Christopher Sunol

    If the US attacks Iran with isreal, an all outwas is forming and we nyst get readt for this to occur