"We did it again!"
LONDON – England – Taxpayers in Britain are once again set to foot another bonanza bonus busting whore and champagne bill for stockbrokers and bankers says the UK's Financial Regulator.
The Labour government has ensured that the bloated greed infused banking animals who chop their cocaine on boardroom tables and guzzle champagne at £25,000 a glass will have an extra pay day courtesy of more taxpayers cash coming their way even though the rest of the country is still trying to recover from the disaster the bankers created in the first place.
“Last night I snorted a kilo of charlie off a wh*res naked haunches, she charged £10,000 an hour for the privilege. That was all paid for by the taxpayer and it actually made me enjoy it more,” a trader for RBS told BBC News’ Rajesh Marchandrani.
Top banks who have caused the financial meltdown in the first place with their greed and recklessness are now being patted on the back for their gluttony and given more bonuses at the expense of taxpayers.
“The taxpayers deserve everything they get. They deserve nothing more than to be punished for their crimes because this is the system we created for them and there is nothing the plebs can do about it apart from moan while we steal everything from under them again and again. We feel nothing but indignation and sheer disgust at their pathetic state. F*ck them and thank you Labour for making it possible for us to f*ck the people over. Socialism is so great,” Pierce Lambert-Butler, Chief analyst at Goldman Sachs told the BBC before speeding off in his Bugatti.
The financial black hole which has been plugged by the British taxpayers so that banking executives can carry on with their debauchery is another indication of how downtrodden the British public is.
“It is the role of the British taxpayer to be buggered royally by us every few years. What’s funny is that they’re actually surprised when it happens to them over and over again. Anyway, I’ve ordered up five top notch wh*res for tonight, we shall dine at London’s finest restaurants with a bill estimated at around £56,000. Then we shall retire to a Park Lane suite where I will snort lines off their naked bodies and be fellated by each of them in turn and sometimes three or four of them at the same time. My climax, will of course be tremendous as I unload my unholy cargo onto the outstretched tongues of these expensive commodities laid naked before me, and I shall revel purely in the thought that British taxpayers are footing the bill for all of this. Phoaargh!” Tarquin-Dickinson-Smythe, a spread trader at RBS told Reuters.