Bank Executives Get Away With Second Taxpayer Funded Heist

"We did it again!"

LONDON – England – Taxpayers in Britain are once again set to foot another bonanza bonus busting whore and champagne bill for stockbrokers and bankers says the UK's Financial Regulator.

The Labour government has ensured that the bloated greed infused banking animals who chop their cocaine on boardroom tables and guzzle champagne at £25,000 a glass will have an extra pay day courtesy of more taxpayers cash coming their way even though the rest of the country is still trying to recover from the disaster the bankers created in the first place.

“Last night I snorted a kilo of charlie off a wh*res naked haunches, she charged £10,000 an hour for the privilege. That was all paid for by the taxpayer and it actually made me enjoy it more,” a trader for RBS told BBC News’ Rajesh Marchandrani.

Robber Barons

Top banks who have caused the financial meltdown in the first place with their greed and recklessness are now being patted on the back for their gluttony and given more bonuses at the expense of taxpayers.

“The taxpayers deserve everything they get. They deserve nothing more than to be punished for their crimes because this is the system we created for them and there is nothing the plebs can do about it apart from moan while we steal everything from under them again and again. We feel nothing but indignation and sheer disgust at their pathetic state. F*ck them and thank you Labour for making it possible for us to f*ck the people over. Socialism is so great,” Pierce Lambert-Butler, Chief analyst at Goldman Sachs told the BBC before speeding off in his Bugatti.

The financial black hole which has been plugged by the British taxpayers so that banking executives can carry on with their debauchery is another indication of how downtrodden the British public is.

“It is the role of the British taxpayer to be buggered royally by us every few years. What’s funny is that they’re actually surprised when it happens to them over and over again. Anyway, I’ve ordered up five top notch wh*res for tonight, we shall dine at London’s finest restaurants with a bill estimated at around £56,000. Then we shall retire to a Park Lane suite where I will snort lines off their naked bodies and be fellated by each of them in turn and sometimes three or four of them at the same time. My climax, will of course be tremendous as I unload my unholy cargo onto the outstretched tongues of these expensive commodities laid naked before me, and I shall revel purely in the thought that British taxpayers are footing the bill for all of this. Phoaargh!” Tarquin-Dickinson-Smythe, a spread trader at RBS told Reuters.

  • Laura

    As much as this article amuses me it is essential that the city is left to work on its own and not over regulated.

    The bankers deserve bonuses because they do the work and own everything. When they get their bonuses it trickles down to little people eventually.

    My husband is a banker in the city and without his bonuses we would not be able to afford living in our townhouse and our country estate.

  • Sam Gertz

    It’s been happening for years..why is everyone getting into a tizzy over it now?

    C’mon people git wit da program!!!!

  • how they did it

    Goldman at the apex of the crisis is delivered this money — which they then use to borrow against at $20 or $30 for every $1. Which at 30x equals $2.1 trillion in available capital.

    As one of the only banks in the world with money at the time, Goldman Sachs was able to buy billions in distressed assets around the world at record low prices — only to watch $23.7 trillion in US taxpayer money be deployed during the past year to re-inflate the asset’s values that Goldman had purchased with our tax money.

    The question is not why did we bail out the banks.

    The question is why did we give the banks billions of our money so they could then buy assets by the trillions with our money and they keep the profits?