LONDON – England – A café which serves only breakfast cereal at extortionate prices was targeted by anti-gentrification protesters wielding sticks, stones, flaming torches and pig masks.
East end hipsters were up in tattooed arms today when one of their shops received a little too much attention, this time from anarchists who don’t find paying £4.50 for a bowl of cereal very funny.
“It’s just the mark up innit. I’m not good at maths or anyfing, but £4.50 for something that is worth less than 12 pence is a huge fakkin’ mark up. What is that, 3650% or something?” one anarchist said whilst tossing some rice krispies into a hipster’s beard.
Anarchists are not known for their financial acumen, however they certainly know when they’re being fleeced by a bunch of gentrificatorial hipster arseholes taking the Mick.
Inspector Colin Bix, who was on the scene, was shocked at the level of violence directed at the Brick Lane hip brigade, who only two minutes before it all kicked off were happily munching away at their overpriced bowls of cereal.
“I’ve seen some things before in my ten years on the force but I’ve never seen an anarchist stuffing a box of Honey Nut Loops up a hipster’s bottom whilst still eating the cereal. We had to have counselling after that one.”