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Henry Kissinger: "If You Can't Hear the Drums of War You Must Be Deaf"
NEW YORK - USA - In a remarkable admission by former Nixon era Secretary of State, Henry Kissinger, reveals what is happening at the moment in the world and particularly the Middle East. ... Full story
Benefits Bonanza Means Increase in 3D TV Sales
MACCLESFIELD - England - The Chancellor's 6% increase in benefits payments means that the sales of high tech gadgets and leisure activities will increase thanks to the taxpayer. ... Full story
Union Boss Calls Strikes So He Can Keep £800,000 Pension
LONDON - England - Union boss, Bob Vulture, has called for all of his union members to have a three week strike causing chaos across the nation so he can keep his gold-plated pension scheme. ... Full story
Prince Harry's First Apache Mission Over Pakistan a Success
BAIZAI - Pakistan - Prince Harry has successfully carried out his first mission in the Afghan border region killing up to 28 Pakistani soldiers, reports have confirmed. ... Full story
Banker Sacked For Getting a Conscience
LONDON - England - A banker, who was sacked on Tuesday for getting a sudden pang of conscience, is set to sue his former investment bank, an employers tribunal has revealed. ... Full story
'Euro' to be Renamed 'Pox' by World Leaders
BRUSSELS - Belgium - The euro currency is to be renamed 'pox' by legislators later on today after a series of high profile meetings between Eurozone leaders and G20 countries. ... Full story
Scottish Voice Recognition Software May Take Years to Develop
CUPERTINO - USA - The Siri voice recognition system may take another ten years of development before perfecting a Scottish version, Apple insiders have revealed. ... Full story
Egyptians Discover Democracy
CAIRO - Egypt - At last, the Egyptian people have finally discovered what they were looking for for so long -- Democracy. ... Full story
Robert Wagner: "Let Max Fix This One"
LOS ANGELES - USA - Hart to Hart actor, Robert Wagner, is urging his trusty butler, Max, to fix the little problem with the LAPD coming around to his Beverly Hills mansion all the time. ... Full story
New 'Who's the Celebrity in the Jungle' Reality Show Has TV Audiences Confused
BRISBANE - Australia - A new celebrity show from ITV has TV audiences really confused because no one knows who the celebrities are. ... Full story
France First Lady Kept Up All Night By Crying Baby
PARIS - France - Carla Bruni is said to be distraught after being kept up all night by the incessant crying from a little baby. ... Full story
Coalition Plans Massive Soviet Taxpayer Funded House Building Scheme
LONDON - England - As if the UK taxpayer wasn't enough in the red, now the Coalition government is to build thousands of collectivist hovels all over the British countryside. ... Full story
Wind Farms Almost as Useless as Royal Family
WINDSOR - England - The Duke of Edinburgh has conceded the fact that wind farms are "almost as useless" as the royal family. ... Full story
George Osborne: "We Can Tax the Dead"
LONDON - England - The Chancellor of the Exchequer, George Osborne,has come up with a genius plan to increase revenue for the government by taxing the dead. ... Full story
EU: "World War II Meant Nothing Britain Still Loses"
BERLIN - Germany - Unelected EU officials have told the British PM that Britain must surrender immediately or be economically crushed. ... Full story
New Plastic War Memorials For War Heroes
LONDON - England - After the spate of thefts and desecration of war memorials across Britain by scrap metal thieves, the government plans to replace the remaining metal memorials with plastic ones. ... Full story
Ashton Kutcher Grounded
LOS ANGELES - USA - Serial Twitterer, Ashton Kutcher, has not been seen in public, Facebook or Twitter for two whole weeks now. ... Full story
Wall Street Bankers Arrested in Dawn Raid
NEW YORK - USA - Police wearing helmets and carrying shields early on Tuesday began to clear the Wall Street financial district, where thousands of bankers and traders work. ... Full story
Greeks Told to Speak German From Now On
ATHENS - Lower Germany - The former Greek people have been told by Dusseldorf EU officials that they will have to speak German from now on and adopt the ways of their Bavarian masters. ... Full story
Hipster Disease Infecting Thousands in UK
LONDON - England - Just when you thought it was safe to go out into the streets after the Labour government championed chavs have mostly died off, another vile concoction of youth culture and commercially created trend setting is threatening to take over everything. ... Full story
Mr Clean to Get Second Term
WASHINGTON DC - USA - President Barack Obama is certain to get a second term because of his clean record, as well as GOP candidates being a major disappointment to voters. ... Full story
Gordon Brown to Save the World Again
KIRKCALDY - Scotland - Former British Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, has come out of hiding to save the world from economic disaster again. ... Full story
If You Want a Job Go to China or India
LONDON - England - People from both sides of the Atlantic are taking their employment into their own hands by travelling thousands of miles to China and India to get a job. ... Full story
The French Surrender Easily But Will the British?
PARIS - France - Anyone who walks through the beautiful leafy boulevards of Paris will realise one thing -- they are perfectly intact. Not one single bomb was dropped on the French capital during World War II, for a very good reason, the French simply surrendered to Hitler's Nazis without a fight, the same can be said today in the EU. ... Full story
Actress Who Poses Naked in Films Distraught After Nude Pictures Hacked on iPhone
LOS ANGELES - USA - Actress, Scarlet Bijoinkin, is apparently really distraught after pictures of her posing naked in front of a camera were distributed across the internet. ... Full story
Monica Lewinsky Never Interned For Herman Cain
WASHINGTON DC - USA - Famous former White house intern, Monica Lewinsky, is at the centre of another political scandal after being linked to Republican candidate, Herman Cain. ... Full story
George Osborne Considering Plan B
LONDON - England - The Chancellor of the Exchequer, George Osborne, was today considering implementing his Plan B for Britain's economy. ... Full story
Daily Squib Gets the Dreaded Lurgy For a Day
LONDON - England - The Daily Squib newspaper was at the centre of a major hacking operation today and would like to apologise to our esteemed readers for any inconvenience caused. ... Full story
Greek Torpedo Port Side
BRUSSELS - Belgium - The good ship euro has taken a huge torpedo hit to its hull and is sinking fast taking the European and world economy down with it, all thanks to a sneaky torpedo from a Greek submarine lurking in the waters. ... Full story