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Child Abuser Jimmy Savile Dies
LEEDS - England - Yesterday Sir Jimmy Savile passed away. He was a man who was viewed as a saint by many but if they were to know what he was really like they would not revere him so much. ... Full story
Berlusconi to Save Eurozone With Massive Bunga Bunga Party
ROME - Italy - In desperation, EU bureaucrats who were dispatched to China with their begging bowls have returned empty handed, but now Italian premier, Silvio Berlusconi has come up with an amazing idea -- the mother of all Bunga Bunga parties to rescue the EU from imminent disaster. ... Full story
World's Birds Getting Too Lazy to Flap Wings
BOSTON - USA - Scientists and biologists at MIT have been researching the phenomenon for the past eight years and have been astounded by their findings. ... Full story
Multi Millionaire Michael Moore Eats Occupy Oakland Protester Alive
OAKLAND - USA - In a horrendous show of gluttony and cannibalism, millionaire ant-capitalist broadcaster, Michael Moore attended a protest camp and had a sudden hunger pang that proved fatal to an unlucky protester. ... Full story
Thousands Ringing Banks Asking to Only Pay Back 50% of Debt
LONDON - England - After hearing of Greece's wonderful luck in having 50% of its debt written off by the banks, thousands of ordinary customers have been ringing their banks asking for the same. ... Full story
China Buys Europe
BRUSSELS - Belgium - In a last ditch effort to save the European project, China stepped in last night with its vast cheque book and bought the whole lot. ... Full story
Rising Electricity and Energy Prices Mean Light at End of Tunnel Now Switched Off
LONDON - England - The government has said that the cost of electricity and gas is now so high that they will have to switch off the light at the end of the tunnel, which could sadly mean a lot more despair for the people. ... Full story
As Fuel Bills Soar Let the Daily Squib Help Cut Your Energy Costs
LONDON - England - With the profiteering UK energy companies increasing their prices to impossible levels...it’s never been more important to cut costs. ... Full story
Robert Mugabe Invites David Cameron to Zimbabwe
HARARE - Zimbabwe - British PM David Cameron has been invited on a state visit to the East African country as a guest of Robert Mugabe. ... Full story
Sarko Tells Cammo to Back Off
BRUSSELS - Belgium - In a remarkable war of words that had EU technocrats bracing for trouble, French prime minister, Nicolas Sarkozy, reduced the British PM, Cameron, to tears after telling him to back away from denigrating the euro and even tried to bar him from important EU meetings. ... Full story
Economic Crisis, Riots, Unrest - Welcome to the Next Thirty Years
LONDON - England - The crisis perpetuated by Greece 's EU debacle is symptomatic of a much wider problem infecting the whole global economy and experts at a leading think tank have revealed an all encompassing plan by the elite to bring anarchy and unrest to the world until the next system is brought into place by force. ... Full story
Libya to Have Democracy Like Britain - No Referendums
TRIPOLI - Libya - British PM, David Cameron, has flown in to the Libyan capital city to inspect the oil fields in the country and tell the nation's new leaders that they must embrace democracy like Britain has. ... Full story
Basketball Loving Sarah Palin Supporting Herman Cain
WASILLA - USA - Failed presidential candidate, Sarah Palin, who chickened out of running for the presidency, is now supporting GOP representative Herman Cain in his bid to unseat Barack Obama. ... Full story
Eurozone Ministers to Discuss How to Prolong Eurozone Turmoil
BRUSSELS - Belgium - Eurozone ministers were locked in meetings all of yesterday and today discussing how to prolong the nightmare eurozone disaster. ... Full story
Colonel Gaddafi Fried Chicken Restaurants Shelved
SIRTE - Libya - Sadly, plans for a new chain of the mad Colonel's fried chicken fast food restaurants across the Middle East have been shelved after his unfortunate death today. ... Full story
Traitor Cameron Attends Palace Charged With High Treason
LONDON - England - The PM has been summoned in shackles to Buckingham palace today and may be charged with the Treason act of 1351, 1702 and 1708. ... Full story
Wall Street Stockbrokers Occupy Deserted Field in College Campus
ILLINOIS - USA - A group of forty five top stockbrokers from the country's biggest brokerage firms have camped down in a deserted field at Hicksville University, 34 kms from Chicago. ... Full story
The Mean Streets of Wall Street
NEW YORK - USA - The peaceful protests held by the occupational forces of a few rag tag people have descended into open warfare as the state cracks down hard. ... Full story
Osborne to Stimulate Economy With More Heavy Taxation
LONDON - England - George Osborne's amazing plan to stimulate the economy by increasing taxation to even higher levels has been supported fully by the government, it has been announced. ... Full story
Jamie Oliver's Secret Recipes
LONDON - England - Television chef and obesity campaigner, Jamie Oliver reveals his secret recipes to our readers. Exclusive to the Daily Squib only. ... Full story
Did Liam Fox Spend Night With William Hague?
LONDON - England - It's another day in British politics and the sleaze is getting so sleazy that stains are now being left on hotel bedsheets. ... Full story
Massive Suicide Increase After Blackberry Shutdown
LONDON - England - The Samaritans have been working overtime for the last few days after Blackberry mobile phones were disconnected from the internet and suicide attempts amongst the world's populations increased rapidly. ... Full story
'Underpants Bomber' Had Skid Marks Court Told
DETROIT - USA - The 'underpants bomber', Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, who tried to blow up a Northwest Airlines plane, which had taken off for Detroit from Amsterdam on Christmas Day 2009, had multiple skid marks in his underpants, prosecution lawyers told a court hearing on Tuesday. ... Full story
Peter Andre to Save Greece With Benefit Concert
ATHENS - Greece - Pop star Peter Andre is to hold a benefit concert in Athens next week to save Greece from bankruptcy. ... Full story
Trendy Consumerist Fashionistas Occupy Wall Street Protest
NEW YORK - USA - Amongst the Tommy Hilfiger, Gap clothing and other trendy sweat shop labels sported by the fashion conscious part-time protesters, they emphatically claim there is a serious purpose to their lame efforts in protest. ... Full story
Bank of England Governor Poos Pants Live on TV
LONDON - England - Sir Mervyn King, or Merv as his friends like to call him, had an unfortunate underpant accident live on the Channel 4 news programme last night. ... Full story
Man Marries Alien From Outer Space
SEVILLE - Spain - The 61-year-old civil servant married the alien who hails from the Centaurus A (NGC 5128) galaxy, on Wednesday. ... Full story
Steve Jobs to Persuade God to Switch to Apple From Using Windows 98
CUPERTINO - USA - Apple computer pioneer, Steve Jobs has been sent up to heaven to try and educate God and persuade the old codger to switch to the Apple operating system. ... Full story
David Cameron: "We Are Living in a Democracy"
MANCHESTER - England - The Prime Minister has shown his true colours at the Conservative Conference today by blatantly denying the British people a vote on an EU Referendum. ... Full story
Mike Tindall Invited to Play Special Rugby Match at Tower of London
LONDON - England - Rugby player, Mike Tindall, has been invited by the Princess Royal and the Queen to attend a special rugby match at the Tower of London, the palace has announced. ... Full story
Foxy Knoxy to Become Instant Millionaire
PERUGIA - Italy - As the cheers went up in the Italian court, news of Ms Knox's freedom resonated all across the American media. ... Full story
Confused Wall Street Protesters Call For Re-election of Obama
NEW YORK - USA - What's wrong with this picture? A bunch of champagne socialists protest on Wall Street and demand that Barack Obama be re-elected in the next election. ... Full story
Daily Squib Holding Company to Start Galactic Flights £45,000 Per Ticket
LONDON - England - The Daily Squib is to become a major competitor to Richard Branson's Virgin Galactic space flights, the Squib's head of communications and space flight has announced. ... Full story
Greece to Sell Their Weather
ATHENS - Greece - There is one positive thing the Greeks do have in copious amounts, and that's their hot sunny weather, EU finance ministers are said to be thinking of a valuation. ... Full story