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US Invades Oil Slick in Gulf of Mexico
WASHINGTON DC - USA - President Obama today gave the go ahead for troops and navy vessels to invade the millions of gallons of oil in the Gulf of Mexico. ... Full story
Brown Gets Counselling After Being Tormented by Rochdale Woman in Sleep
LONDON - England - After Mr Brown's inauspicious visit to Rochdale this week, he has been tormented by a certain ex-Labour voter in his dreams, Number10 aides have revealed. ... Full story
Lady GaGa to Present Amputated Leg to Lucky Fan
LOS ANGELES - USA - After having her leg spectacularly amputated for art, the pop star Lady GaGa is to present the preserved appendage to one of her fans after they win a bizarre competition, her management said today. ... Full story
It's Now Illegal to Have a Tan in Arizona
ARIZONA - USA - Anyone with a tan or brown skin is quaking in fear today after state legislators made it illegal to be brown yesterday. ... Full story
Gordon Brown Releases Labour Backstabbing Election Video
ROCHDALE - England - Set to be the new rallying propaganda piece for the Labour election, unelected PM Gordon Brown unveiled the latest weapon in election campaigning tools -- insult your potential voters then grovel. ... Full story
Carol Vorderman Wants Greece to Consolidate Loans
NORWICH - England - Now that Greece's bonds are valued at junk status, daytime TV loan seller Carol Vorderman has spectacularly stepped in to save the failing Greek economy. ... Full story
BREAKING: Stephen Hawking Abducted by Aliens
LONDON - England - Police fear the worst for astrophysicist Stephen Hawking after his disappearance last night from his home. ... Full story
Obama Spotted Hiding in Woods From Goldman Sachs Creditors
NORTH CAROLINA - USA - President Barack Obama, who received $950,000 of campaign funding from the disgraced Goldman Sachs bank was spotted in a forest trying to escape creditors asking for their money back. ... Full story
Astronomers: Newly Discovered Black Hole to be Named After Greece
ATHENS - Greece - Astronomers are to dedicate a newly discovered black hole in our solar system to the Greeks, an announcement said today. ... Full story
SEC Officials Honoured by Internet P0rn Industry
WASHINGTON DC - USA - Highly paid officials from the Securities and Exchange Commission are to be honoured at the 21st Internet P0rn Awards held next month for surfing porn whilst Wall Street burnt. ... Full story
Lady GaGa's New Look Includes Leg Amputation
LOS ANGELES - USA - The bizarre American pop starlet, Lady GaGa, astounded fans and TV audiences Friday when she announced that she has had one of her legs amputated below the knee purely for fashion purposes. ... Full story
Ambulance Service Getting Ready For Brown Number10 Departure
LONDON - England - The ambulance service have been practicing for two months already for the final departure of unelected impostor Gordon Brown from Number10 Downing Street. ... Full story
Tory Plot to Kidnap Clegg Foiled by Police
LONDON - England - In dawn raids this morning, 38 Conservative MPs, including Tory leader, David Cameron, were held at undisclosed locations on suspicion of attempted kidnap. ... Full story
Man Blows Brains Out at Britain's Got Talent Show
LIVERPOOL - England - The audience and judges at the Britain's Got Talent show got more than they bargained for on Monday night when a man took out a revolver and shot himself in the head. ... Full story
Apple to Release iPodPadPhone
CUPERTINO - USA - Apple CEO, Steve Jobs, today unveiled the latest gadget in the companies product line that has taken the tech world by surprise. ... Full story
Police Warn About 'Jenkem' the New Legal High
LONDON - England - Just hours after the ban on 'miaow miaow' mephedrone came into force, officers are on the alert for yet another party drug called 'Jenkem' which is now taking the UK by storm. ... Full story
Unite Union Suspected Behind Iceland Volcano Eruption
REYKJAVIK - Iceland - It has been discovered that a contingent of Unite union members had made a trip to the volcanic island just before its surprise eruption last week. ... Full story
We Should Have Volcanic Eruptions More Often
LONDON - England - Ahh, the silence, the sweet silence. Many people were today revelling in beautiful tranquility after all commercial planes were grounded due to volcanic ash in Iceland. ... Full story
2010 UK Election Debate: "Beam Me Up Scotty"
ALPHA CENTAURI - Centaurus - Three political leaders were today beamed up to the USS Starship Bollocks. ... Full story
Whitney Houston's Voice Used to Scare Away Birds at Airports
BIRMINGHAM - England - With a voice that can crack windows, ex-crack addict diva, Whitney Houston's voice will be used to deter birds from runways at airports in Britain, airport authority BAA announced today. ... Full story
Hollywood: Remakes of Remakes the New Movie Remake Trend
HOLLYWOOD - USA - Harold Weisner, is the producer for the third remake of last year's remake of the Lindsay Lohan epic remake, The Oyster Catcher. Many commentators say that this is the new trend in movie making which the studios are applying to their rosters. ... Full story
Sarah Brown's Foot Astounds Hindus at Neasden Temple
LONDON - England - At a recent visit to a Hindu temple, the PM's wife, Sarah Brown took off her shoes to reveal something that has had Hindus all over the world talking about her amazing toes. ... Full story
Germany Considering Invading Poland For One Last Time
BERLIN - Germany - After the tragic death of most of Poland's leaders in a plane crash, the German defence minister, Franz Josef, said that he was considering invading Poland one last time, to "take advantage of Poland's moment of weakness". ... Full story
Tories to Inherit Britain's Chav Generation
LONDON - England - Labour's legacy on Britain is a generation of young people who cannot read or write, have anti-social tendencies, are violent and unemployable. ... Full story
Gordon Brown Wants to Buy Gold
LONDON - England - Gordon Brown plans on buying back Britain's gold reserves, the Chancellor of the Exchequer has claimed. ... Full story
New Gordon Brown Bully Video Game is Banned
LONDON - England - The new game featuring the unelected prime minister, Gordon Brown bullying helpless victims, has been withdrawn from shops after complaints that the violence was too explicit. ... Full story
Kyrgyzstan Car Scrappage Scheme Gets Off to Excellent Start
BISHKEK - Kyrgyzstan - Taking a leaf out Britain's New Labour car scrappage scheme that is said to have 'rescued' the UK's economy, the Kyrgyz government have decided to adopt the scheme themselves. ... Full story
Obama Free Healthcare Begins in 2015
WASHINGTON - USA - Millions of Americans who were duped into thinking that they were going to get free health care after Obama paid off the senate, are now disappointed after it was revealed that the scheme will only come into force in 2015, and be limited to a small sub-section of the population. ... Full story
US Honours More Deaths of Innocent Iraqis Murdered from Miles Away by Helicopters
BAGHDAD - Iraq - With the American forces hiding away in their fortress bases; the only fun that is left for them is to shoot innocent Iraqis (insurgents) from the safety of their helicopters. ... Full story
Ten Year Old Makes Functioning Mini Hadron Collider in Bedroom
WILLIAMSBURG - USA - A ten year old boy has baffled scientists at the CERN Institute and around the world, by building a fully functioning Hadron Collider in his tiny bedroom. ... Full story
Climate Scientists Excited After New Data Reveals Humans Doomed
LONDON - England - Climate scientists were today jubilant after new climate data revealed that the apocalypse is nigh, and the earth and all of its inhabitants are going to die horribly in a global warming hell soup. ... Full story
Scientists Discover 'Missing Link Between Man and Apes'
LIVERPOOL - England - Scientists believe they have discovered the missing link between humans and the ape-like creatures we evolved from. ... Full story
UK Government Wants Everyone to Live in 3D World
LONDON - England - Gordon Brown's government wants to issue everyone in the UK with 3D glasses, a Whitehall spokesman told the BBC. ... Full story
MPs Ordered to Wear 'For Hire' Signs on Shoulders During All Hours
LONDON - England - New directives for Dis-honourable Members of Parliament are to be implemented after the general election says a new parliamentary disciplinary body. ... Full story
Catholic Church to Replace Choir Boys With Replicas
VATICAN CITY - Italy - The Pope has announced that all choirs around the world within the Catholic church are to have the young boys replaced with plastic dummies to prevent any more perversions continuing from the church's priests. ... Full story