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Footballer Sleeps With Other Footballer's Girlfriend
LONDON - England - There was shock in the world of football as it was discovered that a footballer slept with another footballer's girlfriend. ... Full story
Tony Blair Nominated for Oscar
LONDON - England - Hollywood producers are clamouring to sign up former prime minister Tony Blair to star in the movies after seeing his amazing performance at the Chilcot Inquiry. ... Full story
Taliban to be Given ASBOs
LONDON - England - Gordon Brown, has announced a new Labour initiative to solve the problem in Afghanistan once and for all. ... Full story
Andy Murray Swallows Tennis Ball During Final
MELBOURNE - Australia - The Rod Laver Arena was treated to a stonking grand slam final with Scot tennis supremo, Andy Murray, who swallowed a whole tennis ball during the final set of the game against Croatia's Marin Cilic. ... Full story
Hitler's Moustache Was Preserved Before His Death
BERLIN - Germany - Archaeologists have uncovered new evidence that may change history regarding the dead Fascist leader, Adolf Hitler. ... Full story
Chinese Man Eaten by Dog
SHANGHAI - China - The tables were turned yesterday when a dog which was about to be cooked, ate Fou Fuk Dong, a 24-year-old chef during a Chinese food festival. ... Full story
Massive Celebrations in Britain's Streets as Recession End Announced
LONDON - England - All across the country there were celebrations and street parties to rival even the Queen's Golden Jubilee, the BBC reported. ... Full story
United Nations to Evacuate Brangelina Children After Split
LOS ANGELES - USA - The United Nations has mobilised an evacuation force for the adopted children of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie after they announced their divorce yesterday. ... Full story
Daily Squib Offers Solution to Britain's Feral Breeding Problem
LONDON - England - As the decline of the family unit continues its spiralling free fall into the chaotic hell of Labour's Britain, is there any hope in a wasteland bereft of any future; a gin-soaked smelly toilet of inequity festering in a cesspool of savagery where the locals participate in unimaginable acts so awful that they are wholly unprintable? ... Full story
Bankers Furious After Bonuses Accidentally Directed to Haiti
PORT-AU-PRINCE - Haiti - Twelve Goldman Sachs bankers, who were to receive £800,000 bonuses each, were said to be furious today that their money had somehow been accidentally sent to a Haitian bank and used as earthquake relief aid. ... Full story
Funky Obama Photos Could Not Boost Democrat Massachusetts Votes
BOSTON - USA - Despite Barack Obama touting pictures from his youth in the 1970's against the nude photos of Scott Brown, the Democrats suffered a huge defeat at the hands of the Republicans. ... Full story
British Airways Staff to be Handcuffed to Trolleys
LONDON - England - In a bid to stop BA cabin crew from striking or trying to escape, British Airways managers are planning on having the crew handcuffed to their trolleys and seats during flights. ... Full story
BNP Wants Foreign Factory Robots Out
DAGENHAM - England - British National Party leader, Nick Griffin has today called for the deportation of all foreign robots working in UK factories. ... Full story
How 50 Per Cent Tax Rise May Ensure Brit Win at Wimbledon
LONDON - England - Labour's punitive draconian tax rules could ensure the first British Wimbledon win since Fred Perry in 1936. ... Full story
Bin Laden Could Be Walking Around In Many Disguises Says FBI
WASHINGTON D.C.- USA - The FBI has published fresh photographs of Osama bin Laden to try to track down the Al-Qaida leader. ... Full story
China to Censor China
BEIJING - China - The Chinese president has declared all out war on China and will censor all communication in the communist country, an information ministry official said today before being censored. ... Full story
First 3D Porn Movie Starring Roseanne Barr Causes Audience to Flee
ALABAMA - USA - Sophisticated polarised 3D cameras have filmed the world's first porn movie with footage that has mesmerised audiences with its realism. ... Full story
Oil Futures to Surge as Obama's General Petraeus Plans Iran Invasion
WASHINGTON DC - USA - Long term oil futures have been rising steadily because of the Obama administration's plans to invade Iran. ... Full story
President Obama Sure Makes a Good Cup of Coffee Says Klan Deputy
WASHINGTON DC - USA - President Barack Obama invited the Ku Klux Klan's Deputy Imperial Wizard, William Jefferson Billy Bob Clinton over for coffee on Saturday as a gesture to how far race relations have come since the beginning of Mr Obama's election. ... Full story
New Retirement Age to be Increased to Five Years After Death
LONDON - England - Workers would only be forced to retire after dying, radical new Government proposals dictate. ... Full story
Gordon Brown Refuses to Leave 10-Year-Old Girl's Birthday Party
LONDON - England - Whilst attending a pre-election photo op. at a 10-year-old's birthday party, the ailing PM refused to leave even after all the guests had left. ... Full story
Heather Mills to Star in 'Dancing on Thin Ice'
LONDON - England - The lying fantasist and gold-digger, Heather Mills, is to try and persuade the public for the hundredth time that she is still a lying money-grabbing fantasist when she will be filmed dancing on thin ice for a new skating themed game show. ... Full story
Immigrants Caught Trying to Flee Britain
DOVER - England - Sixty immigrants who were caught trying to escape Britain on a boat, were detained today, says the Home Office. ... Full story
Microsoft Shows Off 'Slate' PC
LAS VEGAS - USA - Microsoft introduces their new slate PC ahead of the launch of a much rumoured device from Apple. ... Full story
Why Britain Deserves Another Labour Government Under Gordon Brown
LONDON - England - The Daily Squib is backing the Labour party for a punishing fourth term election win. ... Full story
The Internal Organ Removal Diet that Can Help You Stay Slim Forever
LONDON - England - Do you find it impossible to lose weight and keep it off despite your best efforts to diet? Don't worry, help is at hand with the new slimming cure that is taking the world by storm. ... Full story
Brown Holds Emergency Summit Meeting from Within Summit Meeting
SWINDON - England - The unelected prime minister, Gordon Brown has called for another urgent world summit meeting on terrorism which will be held inside the latest summit meeting on global warming. ... Full story
Cross Dressing Cage Fighter Ruck With Gay Rugby Players Ruins Tesco Store Opening
BASILDON - England - There was mayhem yesterday when a charity celebrity Tesco superstore opening ceremony descended into chaos. ... Full story
Cameron Fed Up With Blue People Wants to Explore Green People
LOS ANGELES - USA - 'Avatar' director James Cameron has told an American entertainment magazine of his wish to make another 3D film, but this time with green people. ... Full story
Al Qaeda Terrorists Advise on Best Underpants for 2010
SAN'A - Yemen - Al Qaeda terror bombers give their tips on the best buy comfiest underpants to wear this bombing season. ... Full story
Tiger Woods to Star in Adult Movies
LOS ANGELES - USA - Disgraced golfer, Tiger Woods is set to hang up his golfing iron and pick up his wood in a career move that has stunned his fans and the American media. ... Full story
Tony Blair to be Paid to Talk About His War Crimes
TEXAS - USA - In a bid to get the former British Prime Minister, Tony Blair, to talk about his war crimes in Iraq, a group of Texan businessmen are paying him hundreds of thousands of pounds to describe his crimes in an exclusive lecture. ... Full story