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The Demise of Nu-Labour's Mascot Noel Gallagher
LONDON - England - Just like Nu-Labour's downfall, so too go Oasis, a bunch of has-beens and thugs, who milked as much as they could get out of a few mediocre songs. ... Full story
3D Hollywood Movies Still Crap
LOS ANGELES - USA - It's just the same old Hollywoodized template boredom but in 3D. ... Full story
'Climate Change' Caused by Earth's Atmosphere Say Scientists
LONDON - England - Prominent experts in 'climate change' who are conducting research for the Institute of Climate have revealed for the first time the truth about climate change. ... Full story
Kerry Leaves Six Kilo Cocaine Bag at Bus Stop
WARRINGTON - Cheshire - Kerry Katona was today cautioned by police for leaving a six kilogram bag of pure uncut cocaine at a bus stop yards from a police station. ... Full story
Another Bumper Year of A Grades Under Labour
LONDON - England - A-Level and GCSE grades had another bumper year with everyone getting A grades in all of their exams. ... Full story
Youths Attack Ugly Dog Prize Winner
HADLEY WOOD - England - One of Britain's ugliest dogs is recovering after she was attacked by a gang of youths who pulled out her only clump of real hair, her manager said. ... Full story
Al Qaeda: Only Terminally Ill Terrorists Need Apply
HELMAND - Afghanistan - Islamic terrorist organisations are now only recruiting terminally ill jihadists to blow up Western aeroplanes say CIA agents. ... Full story
Gordon Brown Attended Bournemouth Fireworks Display
BOSCOMBE - England - Prime Minister Gordon Brown was said to have attended the fireworks world record attempt yesterday which ended in failure. ... Full story
Libya Adopts Scottish Bagpipes for National Anthem
TRIPOLI - Libya - The Libyan national anthem is to be played solely by bagpipes as a tribute to Scotland's release of the Lockerbie bomber says Colonel Gaddafi's chief musical director. ... Full story
Gordon Brown: More Fuel Tax Hikes May be Needed
SOUTHMOULD - England - Supreme unelected leader of the British people, Gordon Brown is planning further petrol tax hikes to try and stem the massive black hole in Britain's failing economy. ... Full story
Scientists: "Why Eating Food is Dangerous"
LONDON - England - Eating food is bad for your health, scientists from the British Food Institute warn. ... Full story
Shortage of Makeup Artists Causing Problems for Entertainment Sector
LONDON - England - Britain's entertainment business has been practically paralysed this week after the loss of all of its professional makeup artists and prosthetic experts. ... Full story
Nu-Labour Nu-Tories to Merge
LONDON - England - David Cameron and Gordon Brown have announced the formation of one single party under the Soviet system of governance. ... Full story
Mandelson's Foul Stench of Success
LONDON - England - Lord Mandy is now revelling in the heady stench of power in Number 10, albeit for a short time before the unelected Scottish bore comes back from his dacha in Southmold. ... Full story
White Americans Outraged by Obama's Healthcare Plans
PENNSYLVANIA - USA - President Barack Obama's plans for a nationwide healthcare system akin to the UK's National Health Service has come under intense negative pressure from a major section of the American population. ... Full story
Hillary Clinton to Star in Hollywood Movie: "The Adventures of the Invisible Woman"
LOS ANGELES - USA - Hillary Clinton has been cast by Hollywood movie moguls to star in a new remake that is set to take the box office by storm. ... Full story
Hazel Blears Trades in her Old Banger for Cash
SALFORD - England - The former Communities Secretary, Hazel Blears MP has taken advantage of the government's new car scrappage scheme and traded in her ten year old banged up Citroen Xsara Picasso for some cash. ... Full story
Evil Unmasked - Baby P Killers Laugh at Law
LONDON - England - The evil torturers of tragic Baby Peter are laughing at Labour's lax and lenient laws and looking forward to their prison releases soon. ... Full story
Ku Klux Klan Betrayed by Obama Election Promises
KENTUCKY - USA - There have been rumblings of discontent from the Ku Klux Klan camp after they endorsed Obama for his election campaign last year. ... Full story
British 'Ball Roasting Season' Begins Early This Year
FALIRAKI - Greece - The Brit Bollock Roasting season got off to a stonking start last night after a 23-year-old British man had his exposed genitals doused in Sambuca and set on fire after groping a local woman. ... Full story
Stephen Fry Fans Close to Suicide After Twitter Goes Down for Six Hours
LONDON - England - There was mass panic on the internet yesterday, especially amongst fans of the celebrity, Stephen Fry, when social networking site Twitter was offline for up to six hours after a hacking attack. ... Full story
Harriet Harman: "Castration Key to Economic Success"
LONDON - England - Harriet Harman, Minister for Equality has spoken to a House of Commons committee about her new plans on beating the recession. ... Full story
Northern Wreck Needs More Taxpayers Money After Massive Losses
NEWCASTLE - England - After making a loss of £724 million pounds of taxpayers money, the nationalised bank is in dire need of more taxpayer funds to shore up it's failing structure. ... Full story
'Octomom' Squirts Black Ink at CBS Anchorwoman
LOS ANGELES - USA - Whilst recording a fly-on-the-wall documentary for a British production company, Nadya Suleman, squirted black ink onto CBS news' Early Show co-anchor, Julie Chen's face. ... Full story
Oasis to Support Ricky Martin for One-Off Intimate Manchester Gig
MIAMI - USA - American pop star, Ricky Martin, has announced a one-off date at the Manchester United football ground, Old Trafford, supported by old-time rockers from the 90's Oasis. ... Full story