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ID Cards Not Compulsory But You Will Be Jailed If Found Without One
LONDON - England - Comrade Brown, today announced a new initiative to do with Identity papers held by all proles. ... Full story
Revealed: "Kelly Osbourne Ate My Chihuahua"
LOS ANGELES - USA - A distraught Hollywood socialite has revealed the harrowing details of an encounter with Kelly Osbourne that left her and many witnesses reeling in utter horror. ... Full story
Gordon Brown Offers Support to Iranian People in their Attempts to Overthrow their Unelected Leader
LONDON - England - Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, offered his support to the Iranian people in wishing to rid themselves of their unelected leader. ... Full story
Muslim Convert Jackson Got It Wrong : 50 Concerts Not 50 Virgins
LOS ANGELES - USA - There are rumours circulating around Hollywood that the recent Islamic convert, Michael Jackson, may have misunderstood the wishes of the O2 concert promoters. ... Full story
Jackson Now Drinking Jesus Juice With Jesus
LOS ANGELES - USA - Michael Jackson is now said to be drinking Jesus Juice in heaven according to ministers at a local Holmby Hills chapel near the rented home where Jackson died. ... Full story
Michael Jackson is Dead!
LOS ANGELES - USA - Michael Jackson has died from a cardiac arrest according to insiders from UCLA hospital. ... Full story
GOP to Change Elephant Mascot
WASHINGTON DC - USA - Sarah Palin's election team in Capital Hill are gearing up for the 2012 elections and are petitioning GOP headquarters to change the elephant mascot to that of a much friendlier, and familiar image. ... Full story
Scripted Obama Uses Teleprompter in White House Bedroom
WASHINGTON DC - USA - Barack Obama's wife was said to be fuming after the US president refused to remove his teleprompter from the White House bedroom. ... Full story
Detroit to Get Obama Makeover
DETROIT - USA - America's wasteland, the city where there is such devastation, is to finally get the Obama makeover. ... Full story
Michael Foot to Come Out of Retirement to Head Labour Party
LONDON - England - Bring out the formaldehyde! Michael Foot, 93, has agreed to come back as leader of the Labour party after Gordon Brown is finally ousted as unelected PM. ... Full story
Gordon Brown Tipped for Professorship at Scunthorpe Technical College
SCUNTHORPE - England - Gordon Brown wants to be a tech. college professor when he quits Downing Street, his close friends have revealed. ... Full story
Sir Fred Goodwin Contemplated Suicide
CANNES - France - Fred the Shred Goodwin has contemplated suicide. He speaks exclusively to the Daily Squib from his £4 million Riviera mansion. ... Full story
Inquiry Into Why UK Invaded Country With World's Second Largest Oil Reserves
LONDON - England - Gordon Brown has agreed for an inquiry into the invasion of Iraq which will be held behind closed doors and conducted by government and oil company officials. ... Full story
Washed Up Glamour Model Washes Up on Spanish Beach
BENIDORM - Spain - Britain's top model, Jordan, washed up on a beach today much to the delight of holidaymakers and locals. ... Full story
Fresh Protests Planned as UK Regime Rules Out General Election
LONDON - England - Supporters of the democratic process planned fresh protests today as the country's supreme unelected leader, Gordon Brown, appeared to rule out any change of leadership ever again in the UK. ... Full story
Madonna to Adopt Stevie Wonder
LOS ANGELES - USA - Madonna has adopted musician Stevie Wonder into her family, sources for the pop artist disclosed Monday. ... Full story
BNP Plan Special Crayons for British Schools
BRUSSELS - Belgium - British National Party leader, Nick Griffin is spearheading a schools project which could have all British schools using only BNP crayons in art classes. ... Full story
Brown Could Be World's Only Dictator Left
LONDON - England - With news that Iran's Ahmedinnajacket and North Korea's Kim Jong Il are to retire from dictating, our unelected prime minister, Gordon Brown, could be one of the only dictators left in the world. ... Full story
Palin: 'Hunting Season for Lettermans Now Open'
WASILLA - USA - Sarah Palin, the Republican governor, has ditched moose hunting this year for a much better quarry -- Lettermans. ... Full story
Labour Stasi Officers Fine Man £50 for Dropping £10
AYR - Scotland - An arthritis sufferer was accused of littering and handed a £50 fixed-penalty notice after dropping a ten pound note in the street. ... Full story
All Aboard the Paris Train
LOS ANGELES - USA - Paris Hilton is to open her own train company and rail network, so that everyone who hasn't already taken a ride can take one, Hilton's PR agency confirmed Tuesday. ... Full story
Prime Minister's 19th Relaunch Goes Well
LONDON - England - Unelected leader of the Labour party, Gordon Brown, has had another successful relaunch of his premiership, Number 10's spin doctors have revealed. ... Full story
Gordon Brown Eats Own Hand
LONDON - England - British prime minister, Gordon Brown ate his own hand live on television today after the European poll results came through. ... Full story
BNP Leader Nick Griffin Thanks Brown For EU Win
LONDON - England - Britain's Fascist group, the BNP, thanked Gordon Brown personally for handing over a taxpayer funded term in office yesterday. ... Full story
Obama Affecting Weather Claim White House Aides
WASHINGTON DC - USA - President Barack Hussein Obama has been found to be able to control the weather wherever he goes claim Pentagon and White House officials. ... Full story
Balls to Sing Castrato
LONDON - England - It's balls to the wall as Ed Balls volunteers to sing as a castrato at the Labour conference choir next week. ... Full story
Tories Relief After Brown Stays
LONDON - England - There was a collective sigh of relief from the Conservative party after Gordon Brown clung onto his job as unelected leader of the ruling Labour regime. ... Full story
Exclusive Footage of Amy Winehouse Rehearsing in St Lucia Released
GARRAND - St Lucia - Famous pop starlet Amy Winehouse, who now owns a luxury home on the Caribbean island, has released exclusive snippets of her rehearsing for her upcoming new album. ... Full story
Comrade Smith: "My Job Is Done Here"
LONDON - England - Comrade Jacqui Smith, who has been instrumental in bringing Britain into the new era of surveillance and Stasi control, is to leave her post after completing her unholy task. ... Full story
MP Arrested After Stealing From Blind Beggar
LONDON - England - A prominent member of parliament has been arrested today at Euston train station after stealing a blind beggar's money, a Met spokesman has revealed. ... Full story