dailouk

A premature detonation by an over-excited suicide bomber destroys a goat pen and a few sheds in the outskirts of Baghdad

Some Iraqi Suicide Bombers Now Suffering from Premature Detonation

BAGHDAD - Iraq - An Islamist helpline has been set up by Jihadis working within the Sunni Triangle to try and treat the spectre of premature detonation which is plaguing suicide bombers. ... Full story

"Don't want no Barney Rubble or Bird Lime, nah don't make a Pen 'n' Ink about the situation. Just 'and ovah the Sausage and Mash before the Rozzers get wind of the scam."

Daily Squib Hires Labour Peer

ESSEX - England - The Daily Squib has managed to hire a Lord to change the law in our favour. ... Full story

"It is enough that the people know there was an election. The people who cast the votes decide nothing. The people who count the votes decide everything." Comrade Brown, Politburo meeting, 2007

Comrade Brown Economic Success Hailed by IMF

LONDON - England - British Soviet Supreme Unelected Commander in Chief, Comrade Gordon Brown, has been hailed by the IMF for his stellar work in bringing forth the New Era of Change and economic Soviet Collectivized Miracle. ... Full story

Michael Jackson cannot reverse his whiteness now that he is strapped for cash

Black In Vogue - Why Michael Jackson Regrets Whitening

LOS ANGELES - USA - Black is in vogue right now. You've got the first black president, Barack Obama, the first black Grand Prix winner, Lewis Hamilton, the most in-demand black actor, Will Smith and the world's most successful black golfer, Tiger Woods. And then there's Michael Jackson. ... Full story

Please support BBC impartiality by paying your Â£145 per annum TV Licence Tax

Impartial BBC to Fly Israeli Flag on News Broadcasts

LONDON - England - In an effort to remain 'impartial' the BBC is going to play the Israeli national anthem at every news broadcast. In a further bid for impartial reporting, the BBC news logo will be offset in front of an Israeli flag from now on, according to the head of news programming. ... Full story

Released Gitmo Inmate Now Chef De Partie at Top London Brasserie

LONDON - England - A Saudi militant who was released from Guantanamo Bay after six years of confinement is now a top station chef in one of London's exclusive Michelin rated eateries, a US food connoisseur and CIA operative confirmed on Friday. ... Full story

Nude Madonna Photo to be Auctioned

NEW YORK - USA - A nude photograph of Madonna is expected to sell for up to $150 at an auction next month. ... Full story

Kelly Marie Pocock, a woman who saw nothing wrong with letting her three year old toddler chain smoke cigarettes.

Labour's Chav Legacy on Britain's Youth

MERTHYR VALE - Wales - It's now official: The Labour Party are set to permanently dumb down the UK's population by way of controversial new guidelines for all children put in place by Gordon Brown and his sidekick Ed Balls. ... Full story

Club Gitmo has been a premier vacation spot for many during the Bush regime

Club Gitmo to be Shutdown Orders Obama

GUANTANAMO BAY - Cuba - News that Barack Obama has ordered the closing of Club Gitmo has caused consternation and alarm amongst the guests. ... Full story

Queen of England Photographed on Hit

BALMORAL - Scotland - Queen Elizabeth II is a secret hitwoman in her spare time according to Royal biographer Richard Fortnoy. ... Full story

The U.S. president was honoured with an Israeli gift of thanks on Friday.

Bush Exit Signals End of Israeli Blitzkrieg on Gaza

WASHINGTON DC - USA - As the white phosphorus burns the Palestinian civilians into unrecognisable black mush, George Bush leaves his post amongst some of the worst atrocities ever witnessed. ... Full story

The Woman Who Made Barack Obama U.S. President

WASHINGTON DC - USA - They say behind every great man is a great woman. Michelle Obama is the woman who has moulded the new US President into the man he is today and although little is known about her, we take a rare glimpse into her world. ... Full story

The wild creature captured by a guests camera stalking her prey before pouncing

Hotel Guests Emergency Airlift from Luxury St Lucia Resort

The Cap Estate - ST LUCIA - Approximately 650 guests of the Le Sport hotel were today airlifted to the neighbouring island of Martinique after being attacked by a crazed animal let out of its cage. ... Full story

Ku Klux Klan to be Honoured at Obama Inauguration

WASHINGTON DC - USA - Preparations are under way for Klan members from all over the United States to join Obama on stage for his presidential inauguration ceremony on Tuesday January 20th 2009. ... Full story

Tony Blair photographed practising backstage at the award ceremony

Tony Blair Visits Washington For Last Time

WASHINGTON DC - USA - Former Prime Minister, Tony Blair visited Washington for the last time to receive a final Presidential honour from George W Bush. ... Full story

Prince Harry poses proudly in his army uniform.

The Adventures of Prince Harry and the Pakis, Chinks and Wogs

LONDON - England - Prince Harry is to be depicted in a new British Army recruitment book that will be released and published by Buckingham palace's own printing press. ... Full story

Tintin in Thailand will be published on January 23rd

Twenty-Fifth Tintin Book Discovered

BRUSSELS - Belgium - HergÃ©'s indomitable heroes are this time holed up in a lady-boy compound somewhere in Bangkok Thailand for the final ever instalment of Tintin's fantastic homosexual adventures. ... Full story

The areas are home to huge underwater mud volcanoes, coral reefs, and rare species of whales among other things.

Oil Found in George W Bush's Protected Pacific National Monument

WASHINGTON DC - USA - Last week George W Bush declared a large area of the Pacific ocean as a protected monument, that is until oil was found the next day. ... Full story

The new Israeli real-estate developments will be constructed over the crushed bones of the Palestinians

Israeli Property Developers Ready to Move Into Gaza

TEL AVIV - Israel - Gaza has been earmarked for re-development by real estate companies in Israel, a high ranking Israeli official has admitted. ... Full story

"I'm on a mission from God" - Tony Blair

'Middle East Peace Process Going Well' Says Blair

LONDON - England - Middle East peace envoy and ex-Prime Minister of Britain, Tony Blair is revelling in his success at bringing lasting peace to the Middle East. ... Full story

"He who controls the past controls the future. He who controls the present controls the past." Gordon Brown, 2007

Labour Ministers Admit to Using George Orwell's 1984 as Instruction Manual

LONDON - England - George Orwell wrote 1984 as a warning to history and was not meant to be used as a manual for policy in modern day Britain. ... Full story

A New Year's Communique From Comrade Brown

LONDON - England - Supreme unelected leader, comrade Gordon Brown, architect of the New Era of Soviet Change, has addressed citizens from his dacha in East Grimsditch. ... Full story

Katie Holmes pictured wearing the makeshift Santa hat used during her escape attempt

Katie Holmes Escape Attempt Fails Again

LOS ANGELES - USA - A distraught and incoherent Katie Holmes was today taken back into the unforgiving arms of a Church of Scatology compound in Beverly Hills after another failed escape attempt. ... Full story

The Studio 54 "Man In the Moon With a Cocaine Spoon" was instrumental in shaping US policy many years later...who would have thought?

Uncovered Photos of Obama's Secret Seventies Disco Funk Past

NEW YORK - USA - The Daily Squib has uncovered secret photographs from the 1970's when Obama was a P-Funk master and disco dancer extraordinaire frequenting clubs like Studio 54 and The Loft. ... Full story