dailouk
Amy Winehouse Punches Fan After He Offers Her Singing Lessons
GLASTONBURY - England - Amy Winehouse the famous drugged up celebrity, viciously punched a singing instructor who happened to be in the audience at the Glastonbury rock concert. ... Full story
Shock Discovery - Global Warming May Be Caused by the Sun Shining
NEW YORK - USA - Scientists have come to the conclusion that the heat from the Sun may be responsible for global warming. ... Full story
Mugabe Surprised to Win Election Again
HARARE - Zimbabwe - Robert Mugabe has been taken aback at the vote tally after a close election contest after being pleasantly surprised to have won by such a massive landslide. ... Full story
England Fans Declare Euro 2008 Boring
LONDON - England - The Euro 2008 Football Championship was declared a boring washout by England fans today in a poll commissioned by BBC 6 Sports. ... Full story
Soviet British State Celebrates Comrade Brown's First Year as Supreme Leader
LONDON - England - Supreme unelected leader Comrade Gordon Brown was today honoured by high party officials and the people for his first year's unelected leadership with a Soviet parade and festivities showcasing the Soviet states might and Bolshevik spirit. ... Full story
Guns 'N Roses to Release Album When China Becomes Democracy
LOS ANGELES - CA - A spokesman for Axl Rose has released a statement detailing the release of the new album which has been in production for 14 years. ... Full story
McCain Trying Hard to Stay Alive for Election
WASHINGTON DC - USA - Republican candidate John McCain is doing everything he can to stick around for the upcoming US general election for which he is a candidate. ... Full story
Filling Petrol Tank in Car Now More Expensive Than Buying New Car
LONDON - England - The cost of filling a family car's petrol tank has now surpassed the cost of buying a new car. ... Full story
New UK Health Plan Urges People to Die Younger
LONDON - England - Health Insurers and professionals in Britain are now urging people to die younger. Because of the poor quality of life in the UK, people are preferring death over life in Britain today. ... Full story
Leaked Chinese Democracy Tracks Cause Net Sensation
LOS ANGELES - CA - Download the exclusive Guns N' Roses tracks from the long awaited album Chinese Democracy. Right here, right now! ... Full story
Rumer Willis Takes it on the Chin
LOS ANGELES - CA - The genetic offspring of Bruce Willis and Demi Moore, Rumer, is taking up pro boxing and has been hailed as a real powerhouse by her trainers. ... Full story
Barack Obama Meets Michael Dukakis
WASHINGTON DC - USA - Barack Obama who was recently endorsed by Al Gore, has also met previous presidential loser Michael Dukakis to get tips on losing the general election. ... Full story
Bill Clinton Glad Hillary Did Not Win
NEW YORK - USA - Former president of the United States, Bill Clinton has spoken of his relief that Hillary did not win the democratic candidacy. ... Full story
New Book Uncovers Startling Evidence that Adolf Hitler was a Practicing Hippy
MUNICH - Germany - Adolf Hitler took time out from running Nazi Germany to be a hippy and take psychedelic drugs, a new book claims. ... Full story
McCain Cannot Wait to Drive His New Mobility Scooter in White House Grounds
WASHINGTON DC - USA - John McCain is eagerly anticipating testing out his new mobility scooter in the vast grounds of the White House. ... Full story
I Freed Millions from Life, Says President With No Regrets
ROME - Italy - President Bush flies into London today for the last time as US leader. In an exclusive and wide-ranging interview with Bill O'Reilly on the eve of his visit, he defends his legacy, issues a stern warning to Iran ... and reveals his plans for a freedom institute located in Guantanamo Bay and Abu Ghraib devoted to 'universal mass murder values' ... Full story
Gordon Brown Reduces Gulag Detentions to 42 Years
LONDON - England - Supreme unelected leader, Comrade Gordon Brown, has today announced that all traitorous terrorists to the Soviet British state will have their sentences reduced from 65 years to 42 years. ... Full story
Damien Hirst Self-Portrait Sells for Record £387 Million
LONDON - England - Sotheby's has sold a Damien Hirst original self portrait for a record amount today. ... Full story
New London Taxi Cabs Unveiled
LONDON - England - With the price of fuel reaching heady heights, enterprising London cabbies have come up with an ingenious way of beating the global diesel crunch. ... Full story
Traitorous Irish Rebels Attempt to Scupper Soviet European State
BRUSSELS - Belgium - Our supreme unelected elite commanders in Brussels were yesterday left with collectivized egg on their face all because of a traitorous democratic coup attempt by the Irish EU sector. ... Full story
It's OK 'Keep Panic Buying Petrol' Brown Urges
LONDON - England - Unelected Comrade and supreme leader of the British Soviet state, Gordon Brown, has today urged proles to keep panic buying petrol so that the Soviet Labour government can increase state revenues from more fuel tax. ... Full story
Paris Hilton Sawn in Half
LAS VEGAS - Paris Hilton was chopped in half over the weekend but unfortunately lived to tell the tale. ... Full story
Barack Hussein Obama Vows to Wage Jihad on Christian American Doubters
WASHINGTON DC - USA - Barack Obama vows to fight prejudice against Islamic values and culture in the United States. In a historic address to his supporters he has proclaimed Jihad on the unbelievers and detractors of his profound message and belief system. ... Full story
Britain's Got Stabbing
LONDON - England - Simon Scowell, Piers Moron and some dozy bint pick a winner out of the talented British knife-wielding thugs on display. ... Full story
Hillary Clinton to be Given Job as White House Intern
WASHINGTON DC - USA - Democratic presidential candidate, Barack Obama has offered Hillary Clinton a job as the White House intern when he becomes president of the United States. ... Full story
Comrade Brown Proposes New Stealth Tax for Sleeping
LONDON - England - Supreme unelected comrade, Gordon Brown is to (yawn) implement a new stealth tax where every citizen will be charged for the hours they sleep at night. ... Full story
Ku Klux Klan Jubilant Over Obama Nomination Win
KENTUCKY - USA - Imperial Wizard, Ronald Edwards who had previously stated that, "anything is better than Hillary Clinton", is jubilant of Obama's surefire win for the nomination to be the first ever black American president of the United States. ... Full story
Michael Jackson to Undergo Surgery to Reverse Whiteness
LOS ANGELES - CA - Michael Jackson, the artist who has undergone major surgery during his lifetime to appear white, is now going to attempt to have the surgery reversed so he can look like a black man again. ... Full story
Stab Britain: Less Playgrounds and More Graveyards to be Built
LONDON - England - Gordon Brown's youth initiative is being unveiled today in Westminster with more graveyards being built to accommodate the increasing number of teen knife and gun crime victims ... Full story
Prince William to Join 5 Week Caribbean Photo-op Cruise
WINDSOR - England - Prince William is setting sail on a long Caribbean Navy cruise this summer — an alcohol-fuelled permanent photo-op party paid for by the tax-payer, we can reveal. ... Full story
10 Tips to Surviving in Modern Day Britain Under Labour
The Daily Squib has compiled 10 ways you can survive the slings and arrows of outrageous credit crunch in Gordon Brown's living paradise. ... Full story