dailouk
Fatal Stabbings at All-Time Low in UK
LONDON - England - Fatal stabbings have decreased by more than 3% since last year, Home Office statistics reveal. ... Full story
Comrade Brown Urges Proles to Keep Panic Buying Petrol
GRANGEMOUTH OIL REFINERY - Scotland - Unelected Comrade and supreme leader of the British Soviet state, Gordon Brown, has today urged proles to keep panic buying petrol so that the Soviet Labour government can increase state revenues from fuel tax. ... Full story
Amy Winehouse Training for Bolshoi Ballet Debut
MOSCOW - Russia - Celebrity pop starlet, Amy Winehouse is to star in the Bolshoi Ballet production of Tchaikovsky's Sleeping Beauty which will tour the world in 2009. ... Full story
'Jihad Land' Comes to Baghdad with Multi-Million Pound Entertainment Park
BAGHDAD - Iraq - American entrepreneur, Llewellyn Mengele, is facing obstacles most amusement park developers never have to deal with. Such as IED's, mortars, suicide attacks and genocidal maniacal American mercenaries and soldiers shooting everything that moves. ... Full story
Urgent Announcement from Comrade Brown 10p Workers Reward
LONDON - England - Supreme unelected leader Gordon Brown has made an urgent address to the proletariat and party faithful about recent changes to the state economy. ... Full story
BBC Airs New Repossession Property Show
LONDON - England - After many years of inciting people to get on the property ladder with property TV shows and home decoration shows, the bottom has finally fallen out of the market. ... Full story
Brown Congratulates Mugabe for Winning Election
NEW YORK - USA - Unelected British leader Gordon Brown congratulated Robert Mugabe on winning re-election in Zimbabwe after losing the peoples vote in the recent election. ... Full story
Viscount Linley to Present Supermarket Sweep
LONDON - England - Dale Winton who has been presenting the daytime shopping TV show will be retiring next year and is set to be replaced by David Linley. ... Full story
Comrade Gordon Brown Denounces Traitors to Era of Change
LONDON - England - Supreme unelected brother in arms, Comrade Brown today urged party stalwarts to not be demoralised by traitors to the Bolshevik Era of Change which he is spearheading. ... Full story
Olympic Torch May be Banned from Beijing
BEIJING - China - There are serious fears that the Olympic flame may set off a large explosion of the combustible Beijing atmosphere when the summer Olympics begin. ... Full story
Doherty Glad to be Back in Jail - Drugs in Prison Better than Street
LONDON - England - Pete Doherty is back in jail today. He is glad to be back in the UK prison system and proclaims the crack cocaine and heroin is actually much purer than the street. ... Full story
Kerry Katona Gives Birth to Bag of Cocaine
CHESHIRE - England - Kerry Katona, the alcoholic cocaine snorting celebrity star has given birth to a large bag of pure Colombian coke on an MTV reality show. ... Full story
Nostradamus Obama Prophecies Revealed
WASHINGTON DC - USA - Scholars for the Smithsonian Institute have uncovered new interpretations that may relate to Barack Obama, the Illinois senator vying to become the next US president. ... Full story
Latest: Diana verdict: She's Still Dead
LONDON - England - The High Court today declared that Princess Diana is still dead and has been dead since 1996. ... Full story
Snoop Dogg Announces New KKK Album
LOS ANGELES - CA - Cordozar Calvin Broadus, Jr AKA the celebrity rapper Snoop Dogg is in the middle of writing a new album about the Ku Klux Klan. ... Full story
Heather Mills' New Disguise Causes Concern
LOS ANGELES - USA - Heather Mills has attempted to change her appearance once again to avoid being identified with her previous gold-digging crone incarnation. ... Full story
Boy Considered School Outcast for Not Stabbing Enough
MANCHESTER - England - Twelve year old schoolboy, Kev Peters is today in hiding all because he has not been involved in enough stabbings like the other boys in his school. ... Full story
Beijing Olympic Flame Arrives in Tibet
LHASA - Tibet - The Chinese Olympic flame arrived in Tibet yesterday held by a burning Tibetan monk. ... Full story
Paris Hilton to Have STD Named After Her
LOS ANGELES - CA - Norwegian scientists who have discovered a new strain of sexually transmitted disease are to name the virulent chancroid after Paris Hilton. ... Full story
Comrade Harman Tours London Street
LONDON - England - Comrade Harriet Harman was spied touring the war zone sector of Peckham, South London yesterday. ... Full story
First Ever African American Joins Ku Klux Klan
KENTUCKY - USA - History was made yesterday when the first ever African American was inaugurated into the ranks of the Ku Klux Klan. ... Full story