dailouk

A Gaza resident inspects his sitting room

Israeli Blitzkrieg Bombs Gaza Rubble into Smaller Pieces of Rubble

GAZA - Palestine - An Israeli blitzkrieg of bombs has reduced the pieces of rubble that already occupy the tiny strip of land into smaller pieces of rubble and even some bits of sand. ... Full story

Woolworths Consigned to the Bargain Bucket of Recession Britain

LONDON - England - Britain's shoplifters are in mourning today at the loss of a well loved British High Street institution. ... Full story

Commissar Andy Burnham on parade before his speech

Internet Thoughtcrimes and Free Speech Will Be Punished

LONDON - England - The British Soviet Government is to censor more of the internet under new plans from Commissar of Culture and Thoughtcrime, Andy Burnham. ... Full story

Pope Benedict XVI hypnotizes an African boy during a Catholic ritual

Pope 'Spreading Fear' of Catholic Priests

ROME - Italy - The Pope has been condemned by his own clergy for arguing that mankind needed protection from homosexual paedophile Catholic priests much as the rainforest needed protecting from environmental damage. ... Full story

Look! There's Rudolph the red nosed Reindeer!

Merry Christmas From the Daily Squib Lapland Theme Park

OFF JUNCTION 23 OF THE M5 - England - All Daily Squib readers are invited to our version of Lapland. A place where you can smell the booze and fags off Santa's yellow nicotine stained beard or be bitten by one of the starving Rottweilers doubling up as an Alaskan Huskie. ... Full story

The top trader who is making your money grow in the markets is so good that he only ever loses one trade every ten years. This is further proof that your money is safe with us. He is so good that we have even had to protect his identity so you do not try

Daily Squib Hedge Fund Not Taking Anymore Clients

NEW YORK - USA - The Daily Squib Hedge Fund has had to turn away investors and billionaires from its highly successful scheme due to high demand. ... Full story

Eight year old Lee Carver took first prize this year

School's Egg and Knife Race Ends With Multiple Deaths

MANCHESTER - England - A North Manchester school has failed to break all previous stab records today after a frenzied competition at the school's annual Egg and Knife race. ... Full story

Iran Can Launch Shoe Attack at Anytime

TEL AVIV - Israel - Iran has now produced roughly enough material to make, with added leather purity, a single attack shoe that could devastate the West, according to footwear industry experts analyzing the latest report from global shoe inspectors. ... Full story

One of the shoes narrowly misses Mrs. Palin's well coiffured head

Shoes Thrown at Sarah Palin

WASILLA - USA - A pair of shoes were thrown at Sarah Palin today at a news conference. ... Full story

Camilla Photographed Looking in Mirror

HIGHGROVE - England - Camilla Parker Bowles was a picture of health today as she was photographed admiring herself in the mirror. ... Full story

Fed Cuts Rate to 'Minus 1.5'

NEW YORK - USA - US interest rates were cut to a historic low of -1.5% as America resorted to drastic action in its battle to stave off a crippling recession and deflation. ... Full story

Firefighters were called late Friday to Wasilla Bible Church in Palin's hometown of Wasilla, Alaska

Joe the Arsonist Spotted at Sarah Palin's Church

WASILLA - USA - There were unconfirmed reports today from the local Alaskan media that a man named Joe the Arsonist was spotted just before Sarah Palin's local church went up in flames. ... Full story

If you can dodge a shoe, you can dodge a ball!

Dubya to Play In World Champion US Dodgeball Team

WASHINGTON DC - USA - President George W Bush has been enrolled to play for the US Dodgeball Masters team in this years competition. ... Full story

He's Madoff With My Money

NEW YORK - USA - Wealthy socialites in New York and Florida all want to meet the man who is the toast of the town at the moment, Bernard Madoff. ... Full story

No more plastic autotune lies, the real Britney is in the house now

Britney Spears to Release New Raw Singing Christmas Album

LAS VEGAS - USA - Celebrated songstress, Britney Spears is set to release a new album in time for Christmas that will showcase her raw talent as a singer. ... Full story

"I feel the momentum, I feel it, and you feel it and we're going to win this election, we're going to win it."

McCain Still Campaigning to be President

ARIZONA - USA - John McCain, the Republican senator, is still campaigning to be president of the United States and his senior aides do not have the heart to tell him about the reality of the situation. ... Full story

President Bush receiving some much needed Iraqi love

President Bush Welcomed With Customary Iraqi Shoe Greeting

BAGHDAD - Iraq - President Bush, who was visiting Iraq for the last time before he steps down, was in a jubilant mood as the Iraqis greeted him with a special shoe throwing ceremony. ... Full story

Shock as BBC Joke Does Not Cause Mass Offence

LONDON - England - There was shock across the whole of Britain today when a BBC joke did not cause mass offence and national revulsion, especially amongst Daily Mail readers. ... Full story

No one knows how long Perez Hilton has been masquerading as Rod Blagojevich

Uncovered: Perez Hilton Masquerading as Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich

CHICAGO - USA - Detectives working for the Chicago Police Department were shocked to find that the Illinois Governor, who is embroiled in a massive corruption scandal involving Obama's U.S. Senate seat, is also a gay blogger from Miami. ... Full story