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Doctor Who Revives Davros and the Daleks
LONDON - England - Having assimilated everything human, Davros is back with a vengeance to enslave humanity with his evil vile rantings and faux propaganda networks of control. ... Full story
Camilla Concert Huge Success
Gloucestershire - England - A tribute concert was held last night to celebrate the birthday of Her Royal Highness Camilla. ... Full story
Only Five Pupils Fail to Gain 'A Grades' in UK A-Levels
LONDON - England - A-Level grades this year set another record and were up from 2006 where the 'A grades' were 98%. The year 2007, however, smashed all previous records with only 5 pupils failing in the whole country. ... Full story
Record Number of Britons Leaving Sinking Ship UK for Better Life Abroad
LONDON - England - With the streets full of feral hoodies intent on violence, Eastern European criminal gangs, no police, horrible weather, the sky high expense of living in misery, overcrowded, overpopulated, high pollution and traffic, chavs, thousands of CCTV cameras and increasing Big Brother society - What is the point in staying in the UK anymore? ... Full story
Thugs and Hoodies Terrified of Receiving ABC from Jacqui Smith MP
LONDON - England - The length and breadth of thug Britain is quivering in fear as terrified hoodie gangsters armed to the teeth are coming to terms with the prospect of receiving an Acceptable Behaviour Contract (ABC) from Jacqui Smith MP. ... Full story
Doherty Honoured by Queen at Buckingham Palace
LONDON - England - Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II honoured Pete Doherty with an MBE for his services to drug taking and avoiding arrest this afternoon. ... Full story
Doherty Glad to be Back in Jail - Drugs in Prison Better than Street
LEYHILL PRISON - England - Pete Doherty is back in jail today. He is glad to be back in the UK prison system and proclaims the crack cocaine and heroin is actually much purer than the street. ... Full story
No Paparazzi Attend Set-Up Paris Hilton Photo Op!
LOS ANGELES - CA - Only one person witnessed adult film actress Paris Hilton getting into her Bentley on Sunday night after attending a BBQ at a friend's house in Beverly Hills. ... Full story
Madonna Seen Flying with Commercial Airline to Cut Carbon Footprint
LONDON - England - Madonna was seen on a Transatlantic flight yesterday. In an age where stars travel in their own private jets, Madonna has made a concerted effort to cut down on her carbon footprint. ... Full story
Pete Doherty Angry over Winehouse Media Blitz
LONDON - England - Pete Doherty is angry and alone as he spits with venom the words of the newspapers that have now abandoned him. ... Full story
Philip Green Looks into Improving Slave Labour Sweatshop
ONE of Britain’s richest men who is profiting from Asian workers paid less than £4 a day to make clothes for his latest Kate Moss range for Topshop, is looking to improve conditions in the grim factories. ... Full story
Cheap Flights for Thousands - A One-Way Ticket to Skin Cancer
MAGALUF - Majorca - Thousands of British holiday makers are jetting off on cheap package holidays and to an early death. ... Full story
Roseanne Sex Tape Leaked Online
SALT LAKE CITY - UTAH - Roseanne Barr has leaked a sex tape on the internet that is causing a huge storm and backlash. ... Full story
US Forces Lose 190K Toothpicks in Iraq
WASHINGTON DC - America admitted yesterday it had lost 190,000 toothpicks and dental floss given to the Iraqi security forces. ... Full story
Foot in Mouth Disease Returns to UK
SURREY - England - John Prescott has decided to return to Britain after a long absence of putting his foot in it. This time he is eager to piss more people off than he has already done previously. ... Full story
Sightings of Great White Shark off Chinese Beach
FUJIAZHUANG BEACH - Dalian CHINA - Panic has swept through a crowded beach in North Eastern China when 78,000 Chinese bathers spotted a Great White Shark prowling the waters. ... Full story
Elton John to be Banned
PINNER - England - Drama Queen Sir Elton John will be banned from all media and public appearances as of tomorrow. ... Full story