Tiger Woods to Star in Adult Movies

January 2nd, 2010

by Ruiz Emmerich

Tiger Woods is ready for the 18th hole

LOS ANGELES - USA - Disgraced golfer, Tiger Woods is set to hang up his golfing iron and pick up his wood in a career move that has stunned his fans and the American media.

After being dropped by all of his main sponsors and losing $350 million to his ex-wife, the ex-golfer has decided to take up a different kind of stroke to earn him money for the lost sponsorship revenue.

"He's put down his wedge and picked up his wood. Tiger wants to show the world what a pro he really is. He's already had plenty of practice with all the golfing groupies, now he's going to go pro in the world of porno," Alvin Goldbaum, CEO of the adult film company, Whoregasm Pictures told the LA Times.

Mr Goldbaum has even drafted in one of the industries foremost veterans to help out in coaching Tiger into fitness, cue Ron Jeremy.

"One thing I got to say, they brought Tiger in so that I could coach him. Well I told him to drop his pants so we could see what we have to work with. The boy's gotta smaller penis than a baby. I told my boss that I can't coach a needle dick but he insisted, so here I am. I just told Tiger to wait for the fluffer on the screen test and see what she said. Well, let's just say there was laughter all around," Mr Jeremy told the LA Weekly magazine.

A female star of the movie,
Janice Shrimp, pictured in an outdoor scene

Tiger Woods is set to earn approximately $800 per movie and this is of course not including the DVD percentage rates and sponsors from lubrication companies.

Tiger's first film, DPA Cum Stars, will be in the theme of a golf porno tournament with an All-star cast including Candy 9Iron, Gina Birdie, Mulligan Bogey and Janice Shrimp. His debut film is set to be released in July.

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