Tony Blair Nominated for Oscar

January 30th, 2010

by Lawrence O'Hussein

Mundus vult decipi, ergo decipiatur.

LONDON - England - Hollywood producers are clamouring to sign up former prime minister Tony Blair to star in the movies after seeing his amazing performance at the Chilcot Inquiry.

Moses Rosenblatz, Harvey Goldenbaum and Jimmy Smith, are the top Hollywood producers all jostling to sign up Tony Blair for roles in upcoming Hollywood productions.

"I saw him at the Chilcot Inquiry, he was absolutely astounding. You can forget all the Shakespearean actors, forget American greats like Bobby De Niro, forget Olivier or Oldman, even Daniel Day-Lewis. Tony Blair made them look like pupils in a motherfucking school play. The sheer theatrical force of Tony Blair brought a shiver down my spine. He was a tour de force of animated wonder performing to his audience like a seasoned pro, at one stage I even thought there was a piece of ham up there in the Chilcot Inquiry. What an actor, he exuded purpose with such dexterity that I sincerely thought he actually believed what he was saying," Mr Goldenbaum told the Hollywood Times.

Jimmy Smith broke off filming the latest 3D blockbuster extravaganza featuring red aliens to say this: "Mr Blair was the consummate showman. During the breathtaking performance he would at times stare into space or some kind of far horizon emoting tension and intensity to the audience, then he would seize up and engage the audience with a cool steady gaze, whilst seemingly reading from an imaginary script and calmly relaying his lines. He held the audience in the palm of his hand, slowly winding up the tension, then releasing to a fine denouement that frankly had me in tears. He's a master illusionist, it was like watching a macabre opera, a terrible deceit was committed by this man and he got away with it grinning like Lucifer. I want this guy in front of a fuckin' blue-screen pronto."

Mr Blair was seen to exit the Chilcot performance and was grinning triumphantly as he was driven away in his chauffeur driven Bentley to one of his many mansions. He has been nominated for two Oscars, one for best supporting act and the other for best actor in a theatrical performance.

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