American Files Lawsuit Against Self

October 31st, 2009

by Ernie Kowslowski

"I'm going to take myself to the cleaners"

BOSTON - USA - An American man who had his feelings hurt after wrestling with his own conscience is set to sue himself say his lawyers.

The man from the Eastern suburb of Chichmaka, Boston, has filed a lawsuit against himself for "hurting my feelings" and "doubting my own judgement".

Americans are well known for suing everything that moves or offends them in any way, so this latest episode of suing has not come as a surprise to many.

"We sue people for looking at us funny. We sue companies for picking up a hot cup of coffee and feeling the heat. I've seen sons and daughters sue their parents for denying them the latest fad toys from China. It's a part of American life, that and prescription drugs for every ailment under the sun and shootings. Suing and getting whacked out of your head on Ritalin and Codeine whilst waving a sub machine gun around in your highschool canteen is a normal part of American life," Arthur Emerson, a doctor at Boston's general hospital told CBS news before being sued by a patient for saving their life.

Lawyers who are working to sue the man say that he should be justifiably angry at himself and they took on the case with eagerness.

"We positively encouraged this young man to sue himself for the hurt he has caused himself. It is an awful situation he is in. He instructed us to sue him for as much as we can get out of the sucker. That's why we know the courts are going to throw the book at him, and of course it's going to be 'Cha Ching' time for us," Mr Weasel Slimer of Slimer and Cleaners Law Firm told CBS.

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I wonder why Yanks have never had the faintest idea what humour is. Wait, I do know: it requires a minimum of literacy. By-the-bye, I am fluent in German and can discern no disadvantage whatsoever in that. Morons.

Real humour 05-11-2009

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Yall British tooth motherfuckers need to go to a dentist. If it wasn't for the US youd all be speaking Kraut land speak.

Fuckin surrender monkeys!!!!

G-Man 04-11-2009

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Those Eurpians making fun of us? Hell, we should invade them and take there oil resereves

NYC Boy 04-11-2009

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I'm American and I'm sick of people saying America is the stupidest country in the world.

Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world.

Skyler 03-11-2009

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