British 'Ball Roasting Season' Begins Early This Year

The groping drunken Brits are set to have another bumper ball roasting year as they lay waste to large swathes of package holiday venues across the Mediterranean.

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It's a ritual for many Britons on their summer holidays. The locals look on in wonder as another Brit takes out his genitals and waves them around in a public area. Some say it is a mating ritual, although the vomit spilling from their rabid foaming mouths tell another story.

"The English scum, they come here every year. Yes, I see them, they drink like fish then jump on anything that moves humping like dogs. That's when we get the flammable alcohol they like so much and light up their danglies for a special kebab barbecue. Last year we had 34 in holiday season. This year they start early, I have bet with my mate Stavros. I say we go over 60 Brits having their balls roasted after trying to assault our Greek girls," Costas Papadopoupopulous, one of the barmen at a Faliraki pub told the Daily Squib.

On a good night, one can walk through any drinking area where there are a lot of Brits and you will be able to smell the whiff of barbecued British bollocks in the air.

A spokesperson for the British Foreign and Commonwealth Office, Jane Klipper, confirmed the start of the British Ball Roasting season had started particularly early this year.

"We are speaking to a number of tour operators and British pubs about putting fire extinguishers where British people are drinking so when they take their genitals out and are thus doused with flammable liquid, the resulting barbecue is not a prolonged affair. At least this way, we might be able to alleviate the problem slightly," Ms Klipper said.

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