Dick Cheney Torture Book on Bestseller List

Dick Cheney's first book detailing the torture practices of the Bush administration, "Torture the U.S. Way" (HarperCollins), has topped The New York Times best-seller list for political books. For two straight weeks, Cheney's factual manual about the best torture methods, and ways to bypass the Geneva Convention, has made the list.

"This torture manual is bigger than the goddamn Bible. More people are reading this than anything we have ever seen. I just bought a Lamborghini Diablo -- cash!" Sammy Gravano, Cheney's publishing agent, told CBS news.

Cheney, 68, who left office in January, has a deal to write two more books about the use of white phosphorus and napalm on Iraqi civilians and the scorched earth policy of American forces in the Iraqi conflict. He talked with The Daily Squib about "Torture the U.S. Way," his favourite dungeons and arch enemy, the International courts of justice.

Daily Squib: People are going to read this book and see how the U.S. torture program was run for eight years?

Cheney: It's very similar to my lifestyle and the experience that I went through as far as, you know, when I torture in my home dungeon I enjoy it so much it's a way of life for me. All the techniques I describe in this book were used frequently by the Bush administration and I lovingly documented the best parts in this book.

Daily Squib: What kind of techniques do you employ in your home dungeon in Virginia?

Cheney: I've got thumbscrews, electricity, cattle prods; but my favourite so far is the rack which I got from a British antiques dealer last year. Dubya is very jealous of it and has even offered me a large sum of money for his own home dungeon but I said 'no!' he can't have it. I also use the drills and whips. My place makes Josef Fritzl's look like a goddamn holiday camp I tell you.

Daily Squib: Do you think torturing people whether they are guilty or innocent is a viable way of extracting valuable information?

Cheney: After a few rounds with me I can make Mother Theresa confess to being a satanic baby killer I am really that good. If you watch a Tarantino movie, just add on 200% more gore and guts and you've got our technique down to a T.

Daily Squib: What were your main regrets about the Iraqi conflict?

Cheney: We didn't kill and torture enough Muslims. It was a fight against time.

Daily Squib: What's it like to be in line at the grocery store and see your face on the cover of a magazine?

Cheney: I absolutely love it. I see my ugly grimace on the cover and I get goosepimples all over. (Laughs.)

Daily Squib: At what point did you realize torturing people was fun for you?

Cheney: It still surprises me every day thinking all the way back to third grade when I started. It's still surreal. You can't help but feel lucky that I got to do so much from such an early age. I was the school bully. I got my kicks for torturing younger boys for their school lunches. It was very lucrative and that's where I got a real taste for it.

Daily Squib: You have a deal to write two more books but what else do you want to do?

Cheney: I really, really want to maybe get on the lucrative lecture circuit. I could be teaching Torture Studies in a town near you.

Daily Squib: Do you keep in touch with anyone from the Bush administration?

Cheney: Just mainly Dubya and Rummi. We like to trade torture tales, you know about the good ol' days. It brings a tear to my eye to see what this new administration is trying to do to our policies. It's like as if they don't understand the joys of torture. Goddamn bunch of terrorist Muslim sympathisers in charge now. Just give 'em 5 minutes in my home dungeon and I'll have 'em singing like canaries. Especially that Nancy Pelosi woman, I'd give my back teeth to get a piece of that on the rack.

Ex-Vice President, Dick Cheney, was given the Congressional Medal of Honor last week for his services to American torture and genocide and his current book "Torture the U.S. Way" is available in all good bookshops.