Oil Found in UK - US to Invade Next Week

July 14th, 2008

by Josef Potemkin

America invades Britain and liberates their people at last

LONDON - England - Vast reserves of oil have been discovered in London close to the Queen's palace. On hearing of the wonderful news, George W Bush despatched an invasion force.

Addressing congress from a televised conference recorded in the Oval room, George W Bush described the imminent threat posed by England's weapons of mass destruction.

"Intelligence gathered by this and other governments leaves no doubt that the English regime continues to possess and conceal some of the most lethal weapons ever devised," Mr Bush said in his speech.

The US president also stated that British Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, was trying to build nuclear missiles that could hit Washington in 45 minutes.

"We know for a fact that there are weapons there. Britain has chemical, nuclear and biological weapons, Brown has continued to produce them, he has existing and active military plans for the use of chemical and biological weapons, which could be activated within 45 minutes against Washington,"

There are also purported to be tonnes of yellowcake uranium under the Queen's palace situated 5 km west of London as well as multiple mobile missile launching sites manned by Al Qaeda members dotted around the capital.

Vice President, Dick Cheney added: "Simply stated, there is no doubt that Gordon Brown now has weapons of mass destruction."

'Shock and Awe'

"Gordon Brown poses an immediate threat to the United States of America. I have ordered our forces to strike decisively and with great precision. We will eliminate the imminent threat to our country and return the oil reserves to their rightful owner -- the USA."

The president's speech was received with rapturous applause and cheer from the assembled Fox News crew in the White House oval office. Fox news anchor, Bill O'Reilly was seen to wet his spandex trousers with delight at the news of another war.

'Liberation'

The British oil find is said to be approximately three trillion barrels worth and would supply the US with enough oil until the end of August of this year.

"If we invade by next week we can be drilling and pumping the oil by week two," a Halliburton employee told Fox news.

The people of Britain who have suffered for many years are said to be happy that the US has finally come round to invading them and getting rid of the vile dictator Brown.

_____________

Thanks to the War on Terror the world is now a much safer place. GWB did good so stop all you're whinning

David H 27-07-2008

_____________

Well, the UK has what it has care of the U.S. so.. there is no difference to what happened in Iraq.. many a true word is said in jest. But then.. arent we already the 51st State? Or EEC.. cant be both.

Keith 21-07-2008

Add your comment

Name:

Email: (Your email address will not be published)

Subject:

Comment:

Daily Squib on Facebook

DAILY SQUIB NEWS

• Glenn Beck Birth Certificate Says He Was Born in Afghanistan

• Hague: "I'm Not Gay But My Boyfriend Is"

• Massive Investigation After England Wins Cricket Match

• Coventry Chinese Restaurant Employs Cat Napper Mary Bale

• Bush Returns to Arena With Six-Figure Memoir Book Deal

• Could This be the New SuBo?

• George Michael Looking Forward to Jail

• Tony Blair Book Bestseller in Iraq

• Government Pathologist Says Dr. Kelly's Death 'Textbook Suicide'

• Fury as Furious Politicians Spit Fury at Furious Voters

Fair and Balanced News Updates

Obama Having White House Redecorated During Vacation

WASHINGTON DC - USA - Barack Hussein Obama is having the White House redecorated to suit his tastes better whilst he and his family enjoy their sixth vacation...

Why Social Networking Has Been Best Tool for Criminals and Governments

WASHINGTON DC - USA - Once upon a time it used to be quite hard for the government and criminals to get private data from individuals, nowadays the information...

Universities Teach Degrees in 'Unemployment Studies'

NEWCASTLE - England - Universities will be forced to give compulsory courses to all students in unemployment studies says the chief coalition education Tsar,...

It Beggars Belief: How the Fake Politicians are Raking in More Than £200,000 a Year

WESTMINSTER - England - Their apparently pitiful existence and pleas for money attract the generosity of many taxpayers. But some politicians are making the...

Recession Britain: Government Scientists Now Say 70 Minutes in Hour

LONDON - England - In a bid to increase productivity during the recession, politicians have ordered scientists and mathematicians to find a way of sticking an...

Spanish Hotel Wants Expensive Cutlery Back After Michelle Obama Trip

MARBELLA - Spain - The $4000 per night Hotel Villa Padierna in which Michelle Obama and her entourage stayed for their vacation have asked the first lady to...

Sweat Shop Owner Philip Green to Review Government Spending

LONDON - England - Billionaire sweat shop owner, Sir Philip Green, has been appointed by the PM to review government spending.

Ground Zero Mosque to be Spectacular Say Americans

NEW YORK - USA - Americans are eagerly awaiting the unveiling of the huge Islamic mosque which is currently being constructed on the site of the demolished...

Lord Gnome - b3ta.com

News makes great conversation 
as it involves us all, if you 
enjoy playing bingo you can 
share news there too.

5 Reasons to Trade Forex Instead of Stocks

Contact the Daily Squib advertising team

SEARCH: